Frustrating...

Yesterday was a really frustrating day for me. I think it was the lack of sleep and frustration of an extremely painful engorged/plugged breast. I wasn't going to write about yesterday but I figured I might as well. Here is what I posted on our private Mommy Board...

Well, I have to go to the stupid doctor today (as you can tell I don't like doctors LOL).­ I have had plugged milk ducts in my left breast for over 24 hours now, half my breast is hard as a rock and hurts to even have a shirt on.­.­.­ and when I stand up and the weight up it pulls down it brings tears to my eyes.­ I've tried warm compresses, the vibrator, massaging, nursing (which isn't easy since he still doesn't like to latch on too well), and have been pumping every hour!! It's crazy pain! Seriously it was worse then labor pains, labor pains go away every minute for a minute or so, this doesn't!!! Of course, my labor was only 2.­5 hours, so that may be why I can say that.­.­.­ lol.­.­.­

Yesterday I was on the couch in tears with a vibrator on my boob (got this tip from Allison, she said it helped her plugged milk duct break through) when Paul got home from work!! LOL.­.­.­ You should have seen the look on his face and heard him ask "What are doing?" It was so funny.­ I explained and he was kinda like "ummm okay.­ Is it working?".­.­.­ NO!!! I was really hoping it would though.­

So I called the midwifes office this morning just because I can't handle the pain anymore.­ It hurts like hell to even hold Cooper.­ I was just wondering if they could suggest anything else, but they told me I had to come in at 2 this afternoon because they are worried about mastitis.­.­.­ I don't think I have it, but maybe while I'm there she can do SOMETHING.­.­.­ ANYTHING.­.­.­ At this point if she said standing on my head naked and singing the alphabet backwards 12 times would get rid of it, I would be standing on my head naked screaming the alphabet backwards at the top of my lungs!! LOL

The midwives were all booked up so I have to see an OB, whom I've never met before.­.­.­ this should be fun! lol.­.­.­ I just want this pain to go away.­.­.­ It actually isn't as hard or painful as it was this morning, but it still hasn't cleared.­.­.­ I'm also getting worried that my milk is drying up.­.­.­ But it could just be because I'm pumping so much that I'm not getting as much when I do pump.­

I get so frustrated with pumping.­ i always spill milk all over myself, the couch, the floor, counter tops, the dog, etc.­.­.­ It's horrible.­.­.­ I don't know how I do it, but I can't pump without spilling a little.­ And Cooper won't latch on very often.­ I try every time he's hungry but he'll only latch on a couple times a day and then when he's emptied my boob he acts like he's still hungry so he gets a bottle as well.­.­.­ I know that he's getting enough because his bottle size is the size of what is in my boobies!! So when he does latch on he gets over 3 ounces and then an hour later another 3 ounces.­.­.­ But if we just give him a bottle he only gets 3 ounces every 2-­3 hours and is satisfied.­.­.­ I just don't get it.­.­.­

The whole situation is so frustrating.­.­.­ the past few days I've been in tears over it and can't seem to snap out of it.­.­.­ Good thing I'm going to the dr.­ I'm gonna talk to her about that.­ I keep saying that I'm done breastfeeding and pumping, that's it lets do formula.­.­.­ But I really don't want to do that.­ I really want this breastfeeding to work.­.­.­ I feel like such a failure becuase it isn't working out well at all.­.­.­ I feel like I'm doing something wrong.­ ARRRRGGGG