Pregnancy freak outs...

Okay, I'm going to try to write up all the things I worry about with this pregnancy. And the worries that I have after the baby is born. So here they are -


I worry about losing the baby. If I don't feel a kick for several hours I get nervous.

I worry about how the pictures are going to look right after I have the baby. I worry that I'm going to look freaked out in all the pictures and not know what to do.

I worry that I can't breast feed or that it's going to hurt so bad that I can't breast feed. And then we'll have to spend money on formula (another huge expense! lol)

I'm really freaked out about post-partum depression. Even Paul has asked about this. He's a little nervous that this will happen to me because I let him see my freak outs sometimes. And of course it freaks him out.

I worry that Paul is going to totally freak out on me in the delivery room. He hates it when I stub my toe and am in pain... what the hell is he going to think when I'm pushing an 8 lb baby out?!?! This is part of the reason we've hired a doula. To try to help keep him calm during all the commotion, and if he can't handle it I'll still have someone with me. Someone who is trained and knows what's going on.

I worry about when I'm going to shower after the baby is born. I already sometimes get so busy and forget to shower. I can't imagine finding time to shower when I have the baby. And I worry that if I do shower while the baby is sleeping something will happen and I won't know it cause I'm in the shower LOL!

I worry that something will happent to Paul. Paul is much older then I am and I hate to say this, but financially I am completely dependent on him. We have talked extensively about how much his insurance policies and such are. They are just enough to cover the house, debt, and funeral. I would have to work to pay the normal bills. And that I won't be able to afford day care if I do have to work... lol So then I'll have to move in with my mom or something.

I worry about going days without speaking to Paul because I'm so busy with the baby. I worry that he won't help with the baby any (which I know isnt' true). I worry that he'll just come home from work, lock himself in his office, and stay there.... even go as far as sleeping on the couch in there...

I've also had thoughts of what if this is all just a dream? Am I really pregnant? What if it's just really bad gas I feel? And something else is seriously wrong and that why i haven't gotten a period since June. And then i hear the heart beat at the doctors and I'm okay for a couple weeks on those thoughts. lol

I worry that hubby won't get the sleep he needs. He's such a light sleeper already that I know he's going to hear the baby cry at night. Of course there's nothing I can do about this. Which brings me back to him sleeping in his office... His office is on a different floor of our house and he would still hear the baby, but it would so much quieter.

I worry that the cat will suffocate the baby. Or that the dog won't like the baby and try to bite Cooper. I worry that the baby will be allergic to pets and I will have to get rid of my "first born babies"... i love my pets like they are my babies, and would hate to get rid of them... This is a big worry for me.

I actually worry that I'll never get to watch Greys Anatomy again becuase I either wont' have the time or will be sleeping.

I worry that I'll never cook again, which is something that I love doing. We're going to live off pizza for the rest of our lives and gain 400 lbs.

I worry that i won't be able to lose any baby weight after the baby is born. And I'll be 200+ lbs for the rest of my life.

I worry about getting our baby christened. We want to christen baby catholic but I am not catholic and have never been christened or baptised myself. So I worry that the church (that we don't go to) won't christen our baby.

I worry about not having clothes for the baby. Since we currenly only have about 5 outfits. I worry that the baby will have to wear the same outfit over and over again.

I worry that our baby isn't going to have anything!!! Diapers, wipes, nothing... Scary though. That we aren't going to be able to afford anything. This is a big worry I'm having at the moment. I had a huge freak out about this over the weekend.

I worry that the nursery won't be done in time. And we'll have to rush around after the baby is born and finish it.

I worry that the baby will be early. And we won't be prepared at home for the baby yet.

I worry that our doula won't be able to make it to the birth.

I worry that something will go wrong during labor and we won't be able to have the natural, intervention free birth we want. Or the baby will be sick, or die.

I worry that something is going to be wrong with the baby. Down Syndrome, MS, anything...

I worry that we wont be able to take birthing classes because they are too expensive.

I worry that my mother is going to try to bust her way into the delivery room, even though she knows we don't want her in there for atleast 3 hours AFTER the baby is born.

I worry that my mother is going to take over raising my baby since she will be staying with us for a few weeks after the baby is born. I worry that my mother won't be as supportive as she says she will be. I worry that my mother will try to take my baby back home with her.

I worry that I'm going to lose the baby. Forget about it and leave it in the cart at a store or something. lol

WHEW!!! Okay I think that's it for now...

And then of course I hear Sally saying that everything works out in the end as it is supposed to. I should enjoy my pregnancy while I can and try not to worry...

Something that p!sses me off real quick - When other mothers ask how my pregnancy is going and I say "It's great"... because it is. I have had a very easy pregnancy. I tell them that I feel the baby move all the time and I love it. I HATE it when they say "oh just wait, you won't love it so much in a couple months. you'll be begging the baby to stop moving, etc". For some reason that one little statement alone p!sses me off!!! I can't imagine not loving feeling my baby move. But even if this is true, why can't people just let me enjoy the stage of pregnancy that I am at now?!?! Why dont they understand that everyone, and every pregnancy is different. I would think mothers with kids already would know that too.

Another thing - When people say "you don't look THAT pregnant"... So what, You saying I look fat?!!? lol Or telling me I'm not doing something right with this pregnancy?

Wow, I really went off there didn't i?! lol.. It felt good to write all that down.

xoxoxo

Amanda!

Baby Stuff 24 wks 3 days!

Everything is going good here... Baby Cooper (cause we don't like "it") seems to be doing great in there... Moving around tons. But then again, who wouldn't like it?! It's 98 degrees all the time, all you can eat buffet, and a nice comfy, squishy bed... Sounds good to me! lol

I'm starting to panic about the fact that we don't have much for the baby yet. lol... It's just my pregnant brain, but I actually said on Saturday that the states gonna take our baby away!!! lol... Of course, I've calmed down now! Paul suggested I make a list of everything we NEED for the baby and break it up into his pay periods and when we will get what. So I spent about 4 hours on Saturday making a spread sheet with everything we need and when we'll get it. lol.. I like to make lists, and work better with visual aids! lol..

So I went and bought a few baby things the other day. I got some burp cloths, recieving blankets, onesies, and no scratch mittens. I also got a couple new outfits... that gives us 7-8 outfits I think. I got a closet organizer as well, and love it, but it was stained so I had Paul return it today. He said the store only had one other one, and it was even dirtier then the on I bought. So on Saturday we'll probably go to a different Babies R Us and check it out. Otherwise I could just order it online... May even find it on ebay...hmmm

It just makes me feel better knowing we have SOMETHING! lol... I've made sure that everything we buy is things that are off our registry. I'm trying to stick to the small things, that way people still have things to buy us if they want. I don't think I'm having a baby shower, but I've told everyone we only want things off our registry (or for the baby) for Christmas.

So for now my panic is over... we'll see how long that lasts!!! LOL..

I'm still a little nervous about not getting our furniture until Febraury. We've decided to wait until Paul gets his bonus to get the furniture, since we were both denied the babies r us card. Pauls going to call and dispute his though because they said he was denied because of overdue credit, which is NOT true!! lol

I called and signed us up for CPR classes today. Wanna be safe!! And we have our hospital tour on Feb 17th. So I'm glad I got that stuff done.

I wanted to take the hypnobirthing classes but they don't have one close enough to our house. They have one that is starting Jan 3rd but it's like an hour drive... And we really don't want to drive that far, let alone in Jan and Feb, not in MI anyways. So now we're looking for another class. Thinking of maybe taking just a regular class since we've hired the doula for the relaxation techniques. I just don't want to go into this with NO preparation.

I have my next Midwife appointment on Dec 5th... Can't wait!! I love hearing the heart beat!!! It's amazing! lol... Paul always has an amazed look when he hears it too. Last time Cooper was kicking the doplar (as usual) and Paul asked what that thumping was. When she told him it was the baby kicking he was like "wow" lol... I'm going to ask the midwife if we get another ultrasound or not... I'm hoping for another chance to find out the sex! lol...

We haven't had sex in a while... maybe 3-4 weeks... I hate it!!! It's all Paul's fault!! lol... I was even thinking that since he had a long weekend last weekend I'd get some, but nope!! Nada, zilch, zero!! lol

I took Pebbles for a walk today... It was like 34 degrees outside, but we bundled up really warm. I had my long johns on and 2 long sleeve shirts, gloves, scarf, etc... It wasn't bad. And then I took a nice warm bath today.

Ugh, I just called transunion to get a copy of my credit report... that's a pain in the ass...

Well, I'm gonna go. I'm surfing ebay to see what kind of baby stuff that have. I have become addicted to ebay!!! It's great!!!

xoxoxo

Amanda!

Pebbles Ran Away....

You're never going to believe what Pebbles did last night. SHE RAN AWAY! I haven't been that scared in such a long time. It was like 1245 at night and we were getting ready for bed. So Paul took her out to pee and I went to bed. Paul was gone for a few minutes (longer then usual) and then I heard him come in the house and start banging around. Then he ran upstairs and said "I can't find Pebbles. She was in the back yard and took off running and I can't find her".

Of course I jumped out of bed and ran straight outside. It was about 20 degrees with snow and ice on the grass and I was in jammies and house slippers. I didn't even stop for a jacket. I asked him which way she went and I took off in that direction. I

was so scared because the direction she went in she's never been before. And there are woods right there with a creek in them... I don't know how far back the creek is and neither does she. I had all these visions running thro my head of her falling in the creek and freezing. I was so scared.

I ran thro people back yards, along the woods, hollering her name (not too loud tho cause it was 1 a.m. and all the houses were dark). I was just so scared that if we didn't find her soon we never would and it was so cold last night she would freeze.

So I get to the end of houses (about 15-20 houses away from mine) and am standing at the woods crying. I get to the sidewalk and start running back to the house to get my jacket and a flash light. I'm looking down all the streets thinking maybe she's just walking down the sidewalk cause she doesn't like walking in the grass. I guess she doesn't like the way it feels on her paws.

Pauls standing on the sidewalk in front of our house and my first thought is "What the hell is he doing? Go look for her". Well he tells me he found her and she's inside. Of course I start crying harder (happy tears) and run inside.

When I make it inside I collapse on the stairs and sob. Pebbles comes walking down stairs like "what going on?"... i was so pissed at her, but so happy to see her too. lol.

At this point I can't breath from all the running, yelling, and breathing in the freezing air so fast for so long. My throat was so raw cause it was so cold. Oddly enough I wasn't cold though. I guess the adrenaline and everything kept me warm.

So then Paul tells me that he was worried about me. He apparently found Pebbles just a couple minutes after I took off looking for her. She had cut thro someones back yard and was standing on a side street across the street from our house. I often take her there when we walk.

Anyways, Paul got scared cause he couldn't find me.. He thought I ran into the woods looking for her and was ready to call 911 to get them to search for me. I was ready to call 911 to get them to search for Pebbles! lol

This all took place in 15-20 minutes. This was the fastest 20 minutes of my life. All I did was run, cry, and freak out. It was just so scary.

So now we don't take Pebbles outside without her leash anymore. She can't be trusted. Paul thinks she took off after something (a squirrel or something like that). He heard a rustle and then she ran.

Pebbles looks so sad today. It's probably because she knows she scared us and feels bad. But my pregnant brain keeps saying that she's sad cause she had to come back home. I keep thinking that she wanted to run away from us and was just waiting for the right time to do it. I know this isn't right, but my pregnant brain says it is... And it makes me sad.

23 weeks 2 days!! Christmas Shopping

There's a lot to say today. I don't even know where to start lol...

Pregnancy is going amazingly well. I'm feeling Coopers kicks and punches get stronger by the day. It's amazing to feel. I love it. It's just great to know that everythings going good in there and he's getting bigger. Woo hoo!!!

It seems like my belly popped out over night. I swear I'm bigger then I was yesterday... It's great tho and so far I'm not minding. I've just started putting on weight. I'm only 4-5 lbs heavier then I was when I found out I was pregnant... So that's not bad.

We have our first pre natal with the doula this Saturday. I'm so excited about this and can't wait. I love her to death!!!! She's going to help us have the most amazing birth possible. And it's going to be such a special moment for us.

I've bought a few baby outfits for Cooper... They are so cute. And all green of course lol.
We wanted to get the baby furniture on last Saturday and went to Babies R Us and applied for the credit card so we can get the furniture. Of course it came back and said that our entry was pending and it could take up to 30 days for us to get an answer. Paul applied and so did I. So we'll just have to wait and see what happens. I'm sure one of us will get approved and then we'll get the furniture. I'm hoping we'll even have the nursery painted and finished before we get the furniture... I think we will.

I ordered some maternity clothes online from OldNavy.com and they came today. They are so great. I love them. Got them all washed and hung up. I wanna make sure I'm pretty for the turkey on Thursday... I should be all done buying maternity clothes. I now have 4 pairs of pants (3 that are totally comfy) and like 5 shirts. So I think I'm set! lol

I can't believe Thanksgiving is in a couple days. It totally snuck up on us this year. We're going to Beth's for Thanksgiving this year. Cause they are having Mikes family over too, but much later (like 5-6). We're having ours at 1. And will prolly just hang out and eat again with Mikes family LOL!! I'm trying to figure out if we should put the tree up before we got to their place or wait until we get back. I don't know when we'll be back. I can't imagine it being later then 11-12. And that will give us plenty of time to put the tree up before bed. So I'm thinking we may just wait until we get back. hmmmmmm.... we'll see.

I'm pretty much done with our Christmas shopping... YAY!!! Done before Thanksgiving. All I have left to get is something for Uncle Glenn and Aunt Capri. I'm thinking we may just send them something from Hickory Farms. And then we're gonna get Jen a gift card from Ulta... And we'll be all done!! YAY!!! Oh yea, and we gotta figure out what to get Jacob. And Paul's gonna get me something... which he'll do Christmas Eve afternoon LOL!

So here's our Christmas list -

Paul - Jeans, shirt for work, and The Secret DVD. I also want to get him "You Staying Young" by Dr. Oz. Prolly get that on Dec 15th.
Jen - Ulta gift card.
Fay and Jerry - Money
My Dad - Pocket watch.
Carolyn - Gift basket from Bath and Body Works.
Grandma and Grandpa - Uncle Buck on DVD and a calendar.
Granny - Calendar, spoon, and angel.
Gloria - Bath and Body Works gift basket.
Trista - Ulta make up kit.
Momma - Unicorn and calendar.
Andy - Harley Davidson clock.
Uncle Glenn - Calendar and fishing sign.
Aunt Capri - ?????
Sally - Bath and Body Works gift basket.
Jesse Lee - Probably cigarettes. He can't get the kind he likes in Iraq.

I'm thinking I'm forgetting someone. But I have a written list in the dining room so I know I didn't forget buying for anyone.

For our Christmas cards this year we're going to do a picture and put it in the card. I want to do one of Mister, one of Pebbles, and then one of Paul and I. Put them all on the same card and put those in our cards this year. I can do this thro Walgreens.com... Yay!! I got Pebbles and Santa costume and she looks so cute in it. And I got Mister some reindeer antlers. Paul and I will stand in front of the Christmas tree. And I'll make sure that I'm sideways so everyone can see my belly sticking out. hehe

I put all our Christmas decorations up last week. Lol.. Paul thinks it looks like Bronners threw up in here. lol... I like it though. Can't wait to get the tree up though.. only a few more days tho!!! YAY!!!

Hmmm I know there's more...

Oh yea, Paul is redoing our side door landing. I will definitly have to post pictures when he's all done. It's looking great. He should be done by Sunday!!! He put a slate looking floor in, and is putting wooden panels on the walls. They go about 2.5 feet up and look amazing. It's great. I just wish it didn't take him so long to finish these lil projects... remember the stairs? It took him 2 months to purgo EIGHT stairs!!! I'm really pushing him to finish this project though becuase the next one is the nursery!!! YAY!!!

This time next month we're going to be getting ready to go to AR. That's just so crazy to think. Christmas isn't that far off... YAY!!! lol... I can't wait.

Well, I can't think of anything else to say.

Pregnancys going good, life is going good, everything great!! lol

love my pooky!!!

xoxox

Amanda!!

(I was feeling colorful today!!! lol)

22 weeks 1 day... Midwife!!

Last Wednesday we met with the midwife for the first time. Paul and I both LOVED the midwife. Of course there are 4 midwives and I will rotate between them, but they all have the same philosophy. We are so excited about this.

I didn't really have time to ask all my questions because I had to meet Tom for lunch, but she answered most of them for me. Saying that they don't do episiotomies, pitocin, water breakage, etc. unless absolutely necessary. She did say that if I am at 3 cm for 7 hours and in active labor they may do pitocin (but I guess I can understand that). Oh yea, she said they don't even do IVs!!!! I was thrilled about that. They do require EFM for the first 20 minutes and then intermitten if you want (insurance reasons of course!). But I can labor in the shower or jacuzzi. Beaumont hasn't approved waterbirths yet, but they are currently trying to get them to.

It was really nice to have someone come in and speak to ME about ME. Paul and I walked out going "wow that was great". I've never had such a great doctors appointment before! It's definitly worth the drive in my opinion. Like I said, I didn't really ask many questions... she offered all the information as soon as she came in and started talking to us. It was great.

I'm going to call Beaumont for a hospital tour. And she gave us some info on birthing classes... We're thinking of maybe taking the Hypnobirthing. And of course we want to take the CPR classes available. It's been a couple years since I was certified and things change all the time, so I want to make sure we are up to date on that. Also the breastfeeding class as well.

My next appointment is on December 5th and I can't wait! lol... I'm just so excited about this! I have my glucose test next appointment. She gave me the orange stuff to drink before I get to my appointment on December 5th... Yummy! lol...

The Doula recommended some books and I am loving Gentle Birth Choices, The Thinking Womans Guide to Childbirth, and Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth. I just started Ina Mays book, but am loving the stories. Paul and I watched the Gentle Birth DVD and he started understanding more of what I am looking for.

I am feeling the baby move all the time (not so much the past couple of days though, I guess he's sleeping or resting!!). And have noticed that when I lay on my back that we can see my belly move. Paul doesn't have the patience to see it all the time, but he sees it sometimes. And says that he can't feel it from the outside yet. But I would think if you can see it move that you can feel it! But not according to him. Like I said though, he doesn't have the patience. He's like "There will be plenty of times when I feel it after it gets bigger" lol...

I am putting up some of our Christmas decorations today... It's totally time to do it. I had Paul bring all the tubs and bags up from the basement yesterday... All 4 tubs and 3 bags!!! lol.. He stood in the foyer and looking at it all shaking his head!! It was funny... I can't wait!!

Paul gets paid on Thursday and I'm going to do some major shopping. We are totally running our of everything... Lol!! It's gonna be a few hundred bucks, but we need it...

I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week... that's so crazy. I am doing the ham, mac n cheese (homemade of course), a pumpking pie, and I found a recipe for a pumpkin cake... It sounds really yummy.. So I'm gonna be busy cooking Wednesday night and Thursday morning next week.

In a little over a month we'll be driving to Arkansas.. I feel so sorry for Paul... He's going to have to be in a car with me and stop everyone hour so I can stretch or pee... And we'll have Pebbles as well. Lol... We're still trying to figure out what to do with Mister while we're gone. We want to take him over to Beths but they are worried that Bronson will eat him (or he'll eat Bronson, that's the more believable option lol) or something LOL!!! I think they'll be fine together...

I can't believe I'm half way thro the pregnancy.. Even if the baby is two weeks late I only have 20 weeks left... It's crazy... It seems like it was just yesterday we found out we're pregnant... It's great. It's been such an easy pregnancy!!!

Sex has become akward... With the belly popping out and everything. I can't seem to find a position where I don't feel like we're squashing the baby... lol...

I've been having some hips problems... They get tingly on me and go numb, but it hurts almost... It's like a dull pain though. But totally sucks... My hips are always tingly... it's so weird... lol

But I love feeling the baby move.. It's so great to feel... Amazing really!!!

Well, I wrote a lot, and can't think of anything else to write. I wanna do a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, and get atleast one tub (or bag) of decorations out before Paul gets home.

(leaving with a pretty fall color for my text!!!)