Pregnancy freak outs...

Okay, I'm going to try to write up all the things I worry about with this pregnancy. And the worries that I have after the baby is born. So here they are -


I worry about losing the baby. If I don't feel a kick for several hours I get nervous.

I worry about how the pictures are going to look right after I have the baby. I worry that I'm going to look freaked out in all the pictures and not know what to do.

I worry that I can't breast feed or that it's going to hurt so bad that I can't breast feed. And then we'll have to spend money on formula (another huge expense! lol)

I'm really freaked out about post-partum depression. Even Paul has asked about this. He's a little nervous that this will happen to me because I let him see my freak outs sometimes. And of course it freaks him out.

I worry that Paul is going to totally freak out on me in the delivery room. He hates it when I stub my toe and am in pain... what the hell is he going to think when I'm pushing an 8 lb baby out?!?! This is part of the reason we've hired a doula. To try to help keep him calm during all the commotion, and if he can't handle it I'll still have someone with me. Someone who is trained and knows what's going on.

I worry about when I'm going to shower after the baby is born. I already sometimes get so busy and forget to shower. I can't imagine finding time to shower when I have the baby. And I worry that if I do shower while the baby is sleeping something will happen and I won't know it cause I'm in the shower LOL!

I worry that something will happent to Paul. Paul is much older then I am and I hate to say this, but financially I am completely dependent on him. We have talked extensively about how much his insurance policies and such are. They are just enough to cover the house, debt, and funeral. I would have to work to pay the normal bills. And that I won't be able to afford day care if I do have to work... lol So then I'll have to move in with my mom or something.

I worry about going days without speaking to Paul because I'm so busy with the baby. I worry that he won't help with the baby any (which I know isnt' true). I worry that he'll just come home from work, lock himself in his office, and stay there.... even go as far as sleeping on the couch in there...

I've also had thoughts of what if this is all just a dream? Am I really pregnant? What if it's just really bad gas I feel? And something else is seriously wrong and that why i haven't gotten a period since June. And then i hear the heart beat at the doctors and I'm okay for a couple weeks on those thoughts. lol

I worry that hubby won't get the sleep he needs. He's such a light sleeper already that I know he's going to hear the baby cry at night. Of course there's nothing I can do about this. Which brings me back to him sleeping in his office... His office is on a different floor of our house and he would still hear the baby, but it would so much quieter.

I worry that the cat will suffocate the baby. Or that the dog won't like the baby and try to bite Cooper. I worry that the baby will be allergic to pets and I will have to get rid of my "first born babies"... i love my pets like they are my babies, and would hate to get rid of them... This is a big worry for me.

I actually worry that I'll never get to watch Greys Anatomy again becuase I either wont' have the time or will be sleeping.

I worry that I'll never cook again, which is something that I love doing. We're going to live off pizza for the rest of our lives and gain 400 lbs.

I worry that i won't be able to lose any baby weight after the baby is born. And I'll be 200+ lbs for the rest of my life.

I worry about getting our baby christened. We want to christen baby catholic but I am not catholic and have never been christened or baptised myself. So I worry that the church (that we don't go to) won't christen our baby.

I worry about not having clothes for the baby. Since we currenly only have about 5 outfits. I worry that the baby will have to wear the same outfit over and over again.

I worry that our baby isn't going to have anything!!! Diapers, wipes, nothing... Scary though. That we aren't going to be able to afford anything. This is a big worry I'm having at the moment. I had a huge freak out about this over the weekend.

I worry that the nursery won't be done in time. And we'll have to rush around after the baby is born and finish it.

I worry that the baby will be early. And we won't be prepared at home for the baby yet.

I worry that our doula won't be able to make it to the birth.

I worry that something will go wrong during labor and we won't be able to have the natural, intervention free birth we want. Or the baby will be sick, or die.

I worry that something is going to be wrong with the baby. Down Syndrome, MS, anything...

I worry that we wont be able to take birthing classes because they are too expensive.

I worry that my mother is going to try to bust her way into the delivery room, even though she knows we don't want her in there for atleast 3 hours AFTER the baby is born.

I worry that my mother is going to take over raising my baby since she will be staying with us for a few weeks after the baby is born. I worry that my mother won't be as supportive as she says she will be. I worry that my mother will try to take my baby back home with her.

I worry that I'm going to lose the baby. Forget about it and leave it in the cart at a store or something. lol

WHEW!!! Okay I think that's it for now...

And then of course I hear Sally saying that everything works out in the end as it is supposed to. I should enjoy my pregnancy while I can and try not to worry...

Something that p!sses me off real quick - When other mothers ask how my pregnancy is going and I say "It's great"... because it is. I have had a very easy pregnancy. I tell them that I feel the baby move all the time and I love it. I HATE it when they say "oh just wait, you won't love it so much in a couple months. you'll be begging the baby to stop moving, etc". For some reason that one little statement alone p!sses me off!!! I can't imagine not loving feeling my baby move. But even if this is true, why can't people just let me enjoy the stage of pregnancy that I am at now?!?! Why dont they understand that everyone, and every pregnancy is different. I would think mothers with kids already would know that too.

Another thing - When people say "you don't look THAT pregnant"... So what, You saying I look fat?!!? lol Or telling me I'm not doing something right with this pregnancy?

Wow, I really went off there didn't i?! lol.. It felt good to write all that down.

xoxoxo

Amanda!