36 weeks 1 Day - Want Home Birth

So I spent the whole weekend doing baby laundry and putting the nursery together. Everything is ready in the nursery for the babies arrival. It looks great!!! I had so much fun doing it too.

Yesterday we had our last meeting the Jenny (our doula). She gave me a pedicure! It was wonderful and I have pretty toes again... Not that I can see them, but they are still pretty none the less! lol

I keep thinking about how badly I want to a home birth and talking to Jenny yesterday makes me want it even more. We had our hospital tour today and that really made me want a home birth even more. They said the quickest I could be out of the hospital is 24 hours... UMMM I don't think so! lol... I sure as hell don't want to stay there that long. So I found a couple home midwifes online today and will call tomorrow to get pricing. I really really want to have a home waterbirth. Paul is really freaked out by the idea though, but he'll get over it! lol

Of course if we can't afford the home birth then I will stick with my midwife attended hospital birth. I am just afraid that it's going to be a constant struggle dealing with the nurses and stuff, and I really don't want to deal with that. I know hospitals have certain protocals and such, and at home I won't have to deal with all the red tape crap... lol... Plus I know I will feel so much more comfortable at home.

I'm having a really hard time putting down how I'm feeling about this whole homebirth/hospital birth thing... I don't know why either. I'm usually pretty good at saying how I feel, but for some reason I can't on this. I just know that I don't want to deal with any red tape, I don't want to deal with crappy, bitchy nurses, and I want to be at home...

I gotta pee and I don't know what else to say... I guess maybe I'm a little confused myself.. maybe it's just normal "birth is near" apprehension and fears....