I'm Scared

Paul will not have a job in 6 months - they are off shoring his job to India. He is training his replacements now. They want the training to be done by Jan 1 but are saying Paul still have 5-6 months left where he is now. Sooo Paul is looking for a job. This is the first time in his professional career that's he's HAD to look for a job. He doesn't even have a resume! Well he does now, he wrote it this weekend, but before Saturday he didn't.

We are most likely going to have to leave MI, which in turn means we will lose the house. We'll have to walk away... This is killing me. I love this house and so does Paul. We finally have a place of our own and have put so much money and time into getting it the way we want and we're most likely going to have to just walk away from it.

So as I said, Paul wrote a resume this weekend and is going to start sending it out. I've found 3 places for him to send it to so far. We're looking into Charleston, South Carolina; Raleigh, North Carolina; Cambrige, MA; Bentonville, AR; etc. Guess which one my mom is voting for?! LOL Of course Bentonville would be Wal-Mart. The only thing with Bentonville is we KNOW he would have to take a 20K paycut but we also know the cost of living is a lot lower there.... It's still scary to think of making 20k less we are used to. Bentonville will be our last resort.

I'm so jealous of Cooper. He has know clue any of this is going on. He gets to live his life, be a baby and has everything he needs and wants with no worries. Awww, to be a kid. I spent so much time trying to grow up to only want to be a kid again!! The irony LOL

Best case - we can stay here, Paul makes the same amount of $$ and we keep the house. (this will NEVER in a million years happen)

So realistically -

Best case - we have to move outta state, Paul makes the same amount and we sell/rent the house

Worts case - we have to move outta state, don't make as much and lose the house

Yea, our choices aren't looking so good. Oh joy... can't wait.

I was tucking Paul into bed just now and he looks at me and says "I hope I can always provide for you and Coop." and started crying.



I was proud of myself for not crying with him and just comforting him but damn that was hard. I don't know how to help him. He's having such a hard time with the work situation. This is the first time in 25 years that he's had to look for a job. He doesn't even have a resume! He's so afraid that Coop and I won't have everything we need. He's worried about not finding a job with equal pay to what he is making now. If he doesn't make what he's making now then we WILL lose the house and that scares and upsets him. If we have to move out of state for work then we'll most likely lose the house - there's no way we can sell our house for what we owe - our only hope of keeping the house would be a renter but the rent would be so high I doubt that would happen. He's also worried about the moving costs if we do have to move.

I said everything I could think of to reassure him that we're just fine and we always will be. I told him that we'll always have everything we need as long as we have him. I told him that I was frustrated because I didn't know how to help him and he started crying again and told me that I was helping him so much just by being here.

I love this man so much and I hate seeing him hurt like this. I don't know that I've ever seen him like this. Sure, I've seen him cry, but nothing that compares to what happened 20 minutes ago. He is such a wonderful husband, father, man. I just wish there was something I could do to take the pain away.

Paul's Reunion

Paul's high school reunion was last weekend. It was a three day event (yea, still haven't figured that one out yet lol). Of course AF decided to make her grand appearance on Friday . My first one since I had Cooper, and I think it's just because I started the mini pill last weekend... Anyways....

On Friday I dropped Cooper off at Toni's (sorry Toni!) I had to fight the urge to call her as I was backing out of her drive way but I managed to not call until much later!!! This was the first time I was leaving him longer then 3 hours and with someone other then dad. I headed to the hotel in Southfield for the "Meet and Greet". I was the ONLY spouse there... literally! Not even exaggerating. I was so upset lol. Paul seemed to enjoy himself though. We did have a good meal with some of his old buddies and had some good conversation, but I was extremely thrilled when Toni called about Cooper!!! It gave me an excuse to get the hell outta there! I told Paul he could stay, but he was worried about C as well so decided to come. C and J were setting each other off with crying. J wouldn't go to bed because C was fussing and she most likely wanted to stay up so she didn't miss anything important. Sorry Toni!!! He slept the whole way to the hotel and most of the night, only waking once to eat.

On Saturday I trekked all the way back out to Macomb for the birth fair. I enjoyed the movie, through most of it - especially the vacuum extraction. That is how C was born and it was so traumatic for me to actually SEE it. I almost had to leave the room for a minute, but managed to compose myself. I kept asking Eileen and Sandie what they wanted me to do and they kept telling "Oh everything is done"... I did set up the kitchen stuff and help a little with sign ins and a little with the info table but that's it. I saw that Sara posted she worked so hard... Sorry! I kept offering and was shot down... maybe next time will be better!

After the movie I followed Janice home (it was easier taking Hall to Mound wasn't it!?!? ). I got dressed for the formal dinner at Janice's and left C there. When I left C and James were playing peacefully on the play mat. When I got to the hotel I was starving and ready for dinner... I got there around 645-7 and dinner wasn't served until after 8 It was a very delicious dinner though. Paul won a couple of "awards" - youngest child and shortest time married (we've been married a little over 2 years). They are very nice plaques. There was a live band that was WAAAAY too loud so we sat in the lobby for most of the night chatting with the other white ppl that were there... Paul went to high school in detroit. It was funny to see that the black people hung out together and the 15 (literally) white people hung out together mostly, they did mix up a little to mingle, but I guess the cliques are still the same with your older too.

At 11:15 we decided to call it a night and go pick Coop's up. Come to find out he slept the whole night for Janice!!! She said he fell asleep at 8:12 after his evening fussies and had been asleep since. He slept in the car on the way to the hotel, woke up and played for an hour and then slept for 5 hours before wanting to eat, then slept another 4 hours!

Today was a crappy day. There was a BBQ at a private park that was supposed to be catered. Well something happened with the caterer so there was no food. They decided to take up donations, run to the store and get stuff to grill. Paul gave them $20 so we could eat (we were starving). After two hours of waiting we decided to leave ... we never did get to eat. As we were pulling out of the park they were pulling in with the food (that still needed to be grilled)... we stopped at Subway on the way home to eat...

I am so glad to be home!!! It is wonderful. I can't wait to in my own bed tonight!!! I am just glad this weekend is over and never want to do that again! (the reunion, not the birth fair! the birth fair was my highlight!)